A list of Normal Things
NORMAL PEOPLE DO

piece by
Margaux Olverd

Conspire a choreographed rage fantasy against your worst enemy, that plays in your mind in increasingly grand scenarios. Imagine elaborate confrontations starring you. Mention it to no one. Have the same nightmare your entire life. Therapy. Drink to be inspired. Drink to tolerate. Have a grand plan knowing every step needed to accomplish it, and then never do it. Don’t even start. 

Instead, examine every piece that falls off your body. Imagine yourself to be the center of the universe. Sneeze when you walk towards the sun. Consider another opinion with zero intent of adopting it. Talk to yourself as a reminder that you’re not crazy. Grow impatient with people who chew loudly, while in the same sitting, also chewing loudly. Throw out your food for fear of overeating. Become invested in climate change.

Carry a small seed of belief in your heart, that you are somehow special or different from those around you. Pray to god when you don’t have a religion, and if you do, forget it exists when you see fit. Buy multiples of things you like. Covet. Hoard. Purge. Oscillate between extreme narcissism and paralyzing self-doubt. Harbor a fear you may be found out, and a hope that you will one day, be discovered. Vomit. Smile. 

Watch the sunset and imagine that its existence justifies you. Swear you will watch the sunset every day, and then, the very next day, forget. Remove body hair. Start over. Practice self-love, while knowing it's not possible for you. Namaste.

When driving in your car pretend no one can see in your windows when you pick your nose. Consider your finances. Make lists. Move on. Go to the drive-thru and judge the other people in the drive-thru. Shameless. Picture yourself in a movie montage, to the tune of your favorite song, improving your life. Imagine all the people from your past confronted with you, being your best self. Refresh. 


Exact a dollar amount to your net worth. Confuse productivity for meaning. Meet someone who loves you easily and take pity on their bad choices. Start over again. Continue to avoid the things you really love. Take heart. Find small solace in the fact that the race is long. 


Give advice to your friends.